Past Dwellers,
From the future I apologize. It has been brought to my attention that I have been causing anger, frustration and unrest. Unbeknown est to me my actions have been faulting peoples lives everywhere I have traveled. From 15 Whippoorwill Lane to 37 Oakview Circle I apologize. From 12305 Aneta Street to 4533 Glenwood Ave. I am truly sorry. Connecticut, New York, Pennsylvania, Vermont, Florida, Texas, California, Oregon, Washington (State that is. Well, D.C. too, for that matter,) Canada and Mexico, London and France, Monaco and Italy. Oh wait, not Monaco. New Zealand and Fiji and anyone and everyone else I have forgotten, again, I am sorry. Through story, song and interpretive dance the truth has been revealed over and over again in the future, and once again I apologize. As embarrassing as it is for me to say my snoring is unstoppable. And to this I can only reply, after apologizing so, what the fuck can I do? I snore.
This week I traveled to Guangzhou with my friend, George. He had been transfered after a month of limbo waiting to find out where it was his new office would be. In the Jinan airport I met my new friend. A 19 year old Russian lass whom we call Barbara. AKA V or Vixen. It turns out she's a "big American DJ." After a gig in Jinan she's on her way back to Shenzhen where she resides. We hop the flight take over the back few rows, white kid style, and head into a sticky swampy Guangzhous where we drop our gear at cheap hotel and head out looking for it.
After a splendid evening of stooping beers, crappy Chinese food (and we let them know it) cracker throwing, weak sushi and a couple of saki bombs (nice) George called it a night so he could get some sleep pre his first day in the office. However, the warning was out: DO NOT COME BACK TO THE HOTEL ALL DRUNK AND LOUD LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO, CHARLIE! Now the truth of the matter is, yes, it has happened in the past we come home excited about our adventures and want to share with George, but the picture that has been painted is a black light grim reaper painting to my Sunday In The Park. I agreed. Truth is all of my hopes to enjoy an all expense paid motorcyle tour of China is resting on George's shoulders. It behooves me to keep him rested.
V and I hopped out of the cab and headed to our first of many clubs for the evening, Babyface. George waved goodbye and leaned his head out the window for a dose of free drunk cure. I could see the concern in his eyes. I was just waking up and he knew it.
We headed in and grabbed a beer and worked our way to a gap on the dance floor. I worked up a sweat and took notice that being the only white couple in the joint, we were being watched. Lucky for me I had V along for the ride. My past experiences in clubs have ended in being surrounded by groups of skinny Chinese guys edging me away from their women. Except for one time when I got jumped by a girl named Spring who proceeded to try and unzip my pants with her teeth. Fun. We split Babyface and sat at the side of the river where we met a man with a monkey that kept trying to bite me with his gums. Either he'd never brushed or someone sold his teeth for science. But for some reason I kept trying to touch him and he kept trying to bite me. Maybe if there were teeth I would have learned to stop trying to touch the monkey.
We walked around a bit and V suggested we go back to the hotel to sleep. I suggested not yet. After a quick tour of downtown Guangzhou we headed in to the last club for the night Club 420. Sweet. I loved the music playing so me and V hopped on the floor and started in. She quickly retreated back to the booth as did I since I must have looked pretty stupid out there all alone. I joined her at the booth standing and dancing, to be in the vicinity of a partner, you know? I ordered a couple of beers and a minute later two bottles were handed to me from the guy right next to me. Another minute went by and a waitress brought two more beers. My learned lessons in China have been that often Chinese will try and get you to buy more than you have ordered and with beers being 40 or 50 quay a pop, I'm not falling for it. I start to throw a George when V says "that guy gave us beers." I look at the guy and realize I was once again about to throw a fit for nothing and have once again turned out for the better, or the drunker for that matter. I had been watching this group of kids (I think I can say that now that I'm 38) and this "group of kids" would dance for about 20 seconds than scuttle back to their booth. Their group was about 5 girls and 1 guy. I finished off a bottle of confidence and headed over for some white kid fun. I motioned to all of them to come out and dance and the Pied Piper I was not. I pulled my shoulders back pushed out my chest and headed for the dance floor alone. And I danced, alone. Until the guy came out. Than all the girls giggling. Than they were all dancing just outside of arms reach of me. Not that I was reaching, thats just how far away they were. The giggling turned into laughing than some sort of hand game. Like rock, paper, scissors but holding out a certain number of fingers. They danced and waved their hands and after a couple rounds of the rogue game intense laughter as one of them had lost...or won.? Not sure really, but, she headed straight for me within my arms reach started jumping and shaking about. The music is now GREAT. Awesome DJ! Their hand game continued but now they got me into it. I flailed my hand and tried to make sense of what I was doing and I'll tell you right now, I never figured it out. Some I would win and I would dance with a stranger and some others would have to dance together. The dancing was getting to jumping straight up and down wildly, my favorite dance move, when I noticed V asleep at the booth. I took this cue to turn and leave. I grabbed V and split, knowing that I would soon return to jump again. My new favorite club in my new favorite city! 420 Guangzhou.
We got back to the hotel and as quietly as we could tried to get into the hotel room. A contradicting story would follow in the morning. We got in bed and quickly fell asleep. As the rumor goes I snored. George had a song and dance in the morning as to the severity of our entrance the night before. Than quickly copied my snoring, to which I may add that V said I snored for a minute than stopped. That's best part of snoring, there is one truth but many stories.
To Be Or Not To Be Continued...
