The Future Of Guangzhou And Chuck

No future for Chuck in Guangzhou. Moving on.

George and I were in a cab when he got a call from his boss saying that he'd be transfered to Beijing. Bummer. Our least fave of the big Chinese cities. FUCK! We gloomed momentarily, recounted our past five days of apartment hunting, friend making, city exploring and realized it was all in vain. Now to figure out how to get all of George's crap we had just moved from Jinan to Guangzhuo to Shanghai all within his moving budget of pennies. It was looking like I'd eat the airline ticket I had bought to help George move and to check out our new home city. Actually, it still looks like I'm eating it. Ugh. Every yaun spent draws my departure from China closer. We decided what we needed was a huge expensed meal, so out on the town we went. And it was out on the town that George had gotten another call from his boss to let him know that things have changed yet again. No big surprise that things change in China. Our plans change pretty much on a minute to minute basis, whatever, it keeps us guessing and I wouldn't want it any other way. The boss man lets George know that he is now being relocated to Shanghai. SHANGHAI! FUCKING SWEET! ROCK! METAL! I fricken love Shanghai! It's my favorite city in China so far. Night life. Old scholl alleys with drunken old men yelling about how stupid George Bush is. ROCK! SWEET! SWEEEEET! So after dinner we celebrate by staying in and watching a movie. George's new favorite past time. Now that he's an old man with a real j-o-b (although he hasn't even started yet) getting him to go out and whoop it up is like trying to push a cow across a metal grate. You know, those metal grates that cows won't pass. Yup, that;'s what those things are...I think. Or that could just be wind coming from my butt sounding like it knows what it's talking about, who knows.
The next day I saddle up on a train and head to Hong Kong about two hours from Guanzhuo. I have about 2 weeks or so to get my passport stamped or else! I'm not exactally sure what the "or else" is, but I really don't want to get kicked out of China. I call my new pal in Shenzhen, Barbara, the hot Russian chick and make plans to hang out with her for the day after I get stamped in Hong Kong. In Hong Kong I can get my passport stamped free of charge except of course the 80 yaun train fare each way from Guanzhuo and the 20 Hong Kong dollar subway ride each way and the 30 Hong Kong dollar unresistable Starbucks coffee. Mmm. My favorite place on earth in China. Better than Disneyland.
I was told, in broke ass english that I wouldn't have to leave the train station in Shenzhen, that the border is actully inside but I'd still have to buy a subway tolkien and I just needed to get to the other side of the tracks. When I got to the platform there were a boodle of people waiting to hop the subway. I walked all the way down the platform but I couldn't find the way to the other side of the tracks. I was lookinf for a bridge or a tunnel, something. The train came and let the people off one side but kept the doors shut on my side. Through the window of the closed door I watched everyone exit, than watched their door shut than a moment later our doors open. Everyone got on the train, except me. I had heard that Hong Kong was super expensive, the highest rents in the world I had heard just a few days before on the tv. I didn't want to get on that train. I mean, what if I got on that train and Hong Kong somehow took all my money. Then what? Homeless in Hong Kong? I don't think so. I let the train leave without me. I was alone on the platform. A large group of Chinese toursits in matching hats were coming up on me. All being led by a flag weilding tour guide. I watched them line up and wait. Another train came then they boarded and then they went. How the scratch am I going to get over there? Without going broke? The next train came and I boarded. I rode it to the next stop, hopped off, bought another ticket and rode it back. I had beaten Hong Kong. Charlie 1 Hong Kong 0. Nice.
I met up with Barbara and seeing as it was raining pretty good we decided to head to a big mall where I wanted to shop for a new camera. Instead of camera shopping we went to the movies. Spiderman 3. I really didn't want to see it. I knew it would suck, it did. But I did want to see it in Chinese. A couple weeks earlier I had seen a Mark Wahlberg movie called The Shooter in Chinese with no english subtitles. That was fun! Real fun! Any crappy movie is good in Chinese. The only thing that could ruin a movie like Spiderman is understanding whats going on and unfortunatly for me it was only playing in English. Suck. We watched it, had a blast, had some laughs talked through the whole thing, like loud. The chinks in that theatre must of been pissed.
After the movie she saw me to the bus that would take me to the train station where I would catch a train home.
While I was standing in the line to buy a ticket this old guy, 60 or so, turned to talk to me while he was munching on some sort or crumby muffin roll food chinese weirdness thing. "Are you going to Guanzhuo?" he said spraying me with crumbs from his old mouth. "Yup." I replied trying to keep from dropping into a fit of uncontrolable laughter. "Can you get a ticket?" he said while he was nonchallantly picking crumbs from my shirt. "I guess," holding it back. "I'll get it." he said as our turn came at the window. He started speaking in Chinese to the woman selling the tickets and he seemed to talk for 5 minutes than the lady looked at me and I figured it was time to hand her some money, so I did. And I had a ticket. And a new friend, Michael. Michael offered up one of his muffin things to which I delined and he began walking with me. We had an hour to kill before the train so I asked if he'd join me for some dinner, to which he agreed.
We sat and talked over some crappy train station Chinese food that looked nothing like the picture to which I pointed in the menu to the waiter. Michael put up a bit of a fuss, but I told him it was no big deal and he let the smiling waiter go. I come to find out that Michael is a retired Hong Kong police chief on his way to Guanzhuo to meet up with his 35 year old girlfriend. Cool. Real cool. He has a son that's an engineer and I decided not to ask about the mother. I wanted him to tell me stories and instead he starts giving me advice. "In China," he starts off every bit of advice with, "In China you watch out for the women." I look at him questionably. "In China the women will bring you to the hotel and they will have someone waiting there for you and then..." he makes a throat slicing motion with his finger. Shit. Yikes. "In China, you don't want to gamble or get involved with the drugs or else." There's that "or else" again. I ask if he knows about my favorite Chinese actor, Chow Yun Fat. He coyly smiles and says "He is like a brother to me." Fat is an action movie star who has worked with the likes of famous Hong Kong action movie director John Woo and had studied being a police officer with Michael to prepare for his roles. At this point I bowed and claimed my not worthiness.
The bill came and Michael sprung for the meal. Too cool. And we left for the train.We sat facing each other in the waiting room. I saw him start fishing through a backpack than he said,"Charlie." smiled at me and pulled a plastic toy doll from his bag. Unclothed with penis. I went into hysterics as did he. As the tears ran down my face I noticed everyone around us starring. I tried to imagine what they must have thought as my laughing died down. He then fished around again through his bag and pulled from it my gift, a winnie the pooh pin. I looked at Michael questionably, again, and he said "give it to a girl. You will get a kiss." I have yet to redeem it. Meeting Michael brought back great memories of an old friend, Al.
The seating assignments were different although we bought our tickets one after the other so we made our way to the dining car so we could continue our conversation. We plopped down alongside each other in a booth that was occupied on one side by a female train attendant and started chatting it up. Michael started telling me about his girlfriend and that he could only now go once in a night. Ok. You just said that didn't you. I told him he must be psyched to have such a young gf. He said "I too am young. I'm 30. Twice." After a half hour or so he got up said thanks for talking and went about his life. So cool.
I got back to the hotel and the room was quiet. George was off on his cool new bike tearing up the city. I hopped in the shower, hot and muggy in Guanzhuo, and was rinsing off when there was a knock at the door. I opened the door for George, nude, and hopped back in the shower to finish myself off when George asked me if liked riding motorcycles. "Yeah. I'd say I like riding motorcycles. Why do you ask Geaorge?"
"Because Nokia just approved our budget. We got the job."
Sweet. Real Sweet.

An Apology From The Future

Past Dwellers,

From the future I apologize. It has been brought to my attention that I have been causing anger, frustration and unrest. Unbeknown est to me my actions have been faulting peoples lives everywhere I have traveled. From 15 Whippoorwill Lane to 37 Oakview Circle I apologize. From 12305 Aneta Street to 4533 Glenwood Ave. I am truly sorry. Connecticut, New York, Pennsylvania, Vermont, Florida, Texas, California, Oregon, Washington (State that is. Well, D.C. too, for that matter,) Canada and Mexico, London and France, Monaco and Italy. Oh wait, not Monaco. New Zealand and Fiji and anyone and everyone else I have forgotten, again, I am sorry. Through story, song and interpretive dance the truth has been revealed over and over again in the future, and once again I apologize. As embarrassing as it is for me to say my snoring is unstoppable. And to this I can only reply, after apologizing so, what the fuck can I do? I snore.

This week I traveled to Guangzhou with my friend, George. He had been transfered after a month of limbo waiting to find out where it was his new office would be. In the Jinan airport I met my new friend. A 19 year old Russian lass whom we call Barbara. AKA V or Vixen. It turns out she's a "big American DJ." After a gig in Jinan she's on her way back to Shenzhen where she resides. We hop the flight take over the back few rows, white kid style, and head into a sticky swampy Guangzhous where we drop our gear at cheap hotel and head out looking for it.
After a splendid evening of stooping beers, crappy Chinese food (and we let them know it) cracker throwing, weak sushi and a couple of saki bombs (nice) George called it a night so he could get some sleep pre his first day in the office. However, the warning was out: DO NOT COME BACK TO THE HOTEL ALL DRUNK AND LOUD LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO, CHARLIE! Now the truth of the matter is, yes, it has happened in the past we come home excited about our adventures and want to share with George, but the picture that has been painted is a black light grim reaper painting to my Sunday In The Park. I agreed. Truth is all of my hopes to enjoy an all expense paid motorcyle tour of China is resting on George's shoulders. It behooves me to keep him rested.
V and I hopped out of the cab and headed to our first of many clubs for the evening, Babyface. George waved goodbye and leaned his head out the window for a dose of free drunk cure. I could see the concern in his eyes. I was just waking up and he knew it.
We headed in and grabbed a beer and worked our way to a gap on the dance floor. I worked up a sweat and took notice that being the only white couple in the joint, we were being watched. Lucky for me I had V along for the ride. My past experiences in clubs have ended in being surrounded by groups of skinny Chinese guys edging me away from their women. Except for one time when I got jumped by a girl named Spring who proceeded to try and unzip my pants with her teeth. Fun. We split Babyface and sat at the side of the river where we met a man with a monkey that kept trying to bite me with his gums. Either he'd never brushed or someone sold his teeth for science. But for some reason I kept trying to touch him and he kept trying to bite me. Maybe if there were teeth I would have learned to stop trying to touch the monkey.
We walked around a bit and V suggested we go back to the hotel to sleep. I suggested not yet. After a quick tour of downtown Guangzhou we headed in to the last club for the night Club 420. Sweet. I loved the music playing so me and V hopped on the floor and started in. She quickly retreated back to the booth as did I since I must have looked pretty stupid out there all alone. I joined her at the booth standing and dancing, to be in the vicinity of a partner, you know? I ordered a couple of beers and a minute later two bottles were handed to me from the guy right next to me. Another minute went by and a waitress brought two more beers. My learned lessons in China have been that often Chinese will try and get you to buy more than you have ordered and with beers being 40 or 50 quay a pop, I'm not falling for it. I start to throw a George when V says "that guy gave us beers." I look at the guy and realize I was once again about to throw a fit for nothing and have once again turned out for the better, or the drunker for that matter. I had been watching this group of kids (I think I can say that now that I'm 38) and this "group of kids" would dance for about 20 seconds than scuttle back to their booth. Their group was about 5 girls and 1 guy. I finished off a bottle of confidence and headed over for some white kid fun. I motioned to all of them to come out and dance and the Pied Piper I was not. I pulled my shoulders back pushed out my chest and headed for the dance floor alone. And I danced, alone. Until the guy came out. Than all the girls giggling. Than they were all dancing just outside of arms reach of me. Not that I was reaching, thats just how far away they were. The giggling turned into laughing than some sort of hand game. Like rock, paper, scissors but holding out a certain number of fingers. They danced and waved their hands and after a couple rounds of the rogue game intense laughter as one of them had lost...or won.? Not sure really, but, she headed straight for me within my arms reach started jumping and shaking about. The music is now GREAT. Awesome DJ! Their hand game continued but now they got me into it. I flailed my hand and tried to make sense of what I was doing and I'll tell you right now, I never figured it out. Some I would win and I would dance with a stranger and some others would have to dance together. The dancing was getting to jumping straight up and down wildly, my favorite dance move, when I noticed V asleep at the booth. I took this cue to turn and leave. I grabbed V and split, knowing that I would soon return to jump again. My new favorite club in my new favorite city! 420 Guangzhou.
We got back to the hotel and as quietly as we could tried to get into the hotel room. A contradicting story would follow in the morning. We got in bed and quickly fell asleep. As the rumor goes I snored. George had a song and dance in the morning as to the severity of our entrance the night before. Than quickly copied my snoring, to which I may add that V said I snored for a minute than stopped. That's best part of snoring, there is one truth but many stories.

To Be Or Not To Be Continued...

Back To The Future

Here in the future, hours ahead of you westerners, we can finally ride our motorcycles late at night and shoot roman candles at each other while busting down deserted alleyways hoot'n and holler'n till we get too tired to hoot and holler anymore. And for us who don't get tired, we won't let you down America! We will enjoy this "freedom" for as long as we can walk, run, limp, ride, roll or what ever other means we can move forward, for we are the special gifted few here in China, we are the Friendly Americans! Ni Hao!

Although that evening of fireworks wasn't documented with pictures and videos we have managed to set a camera up and grab a few now and then. The pictures are posted at the link below:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/38032630@N00/

The videos are on youtube.com.  Follow the links below to the site.
I'm not sure if you'll need to register at either site but if you do
it should be a simple process and certainly free.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kc92Leq0lE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BpyvglGB3s

A quick rundown of what the trip has been like for me up until now.  I arrived
in Beijing a month ago and was met by George Bourassa and Scott Jameson
the following day. Being my second time here it was familiar and friendly.
We were meeting at the same hotel we had stayed at last year which also
housed the most happening bar on the weekends, Poacher's Inn.
A few days in Beijing and we were back to Jinan in the Shandong province.
George had been teaching here for two years and Mike Barkelew now lived in
George's old apartment where we stayed last year.
A few days in Jinan and it was off to Shanghai where George and I were
meeting with George's new employer Heartland Media. George has been
planning a 3 month motorcycle tour of China which he has been actively
looking for sponsorship. After meeting with George in Seattle during his January
break I decided instead of finding a new job in California I'd join forces with
George in China and help where I could to get this 3 month trip confirmed.
So here I am in China.
The meeting went well. We met a Nokia representative who seemed interested
in the pitch. We would ride motorcycles around certain areas of China promoting
Nokia.  Our motorcycles would be plastered with Nokia stickers as our clothes
would be obviously Nokia.
They asked for a budget which George and I whooped up and handed off.
We waited a day or so and didn't get an answer but were told that after
"May Holiday," the coming week, Nokia would decide whether or not to approve
a trial run for us. A 16 day ride consisting of 1200 km, two cities, four staged
performances and as many satellite performances we could pull off.
We hopped a train from Shanghai back to Jinan where we would take a couple
days to wait for Bark to get back from a trip and prep our bikes for our first
motorcycle trip to the coast.There were only three bikes so I opted to buy one
from one of George's friends. This way Bark would be able to come on the trip.
Wouldn't want to leave him in Jinan for May Holiday.  During "May Holiday"
everyone stops working and everyone heads for some tourist location. That
would leave Bark back here in the teachers barracks alone. After he got home
from his trip we split.  The total trip lasted 7 days and 1062.8km.
We drove about 2 to 5 hours a day on some of the nicest rodes I have ever
driven. As well as some of the harshest conditions I have ever driven.
Caught in the rain once. Chased by bees through a village.  Dodging on coming
trucks, buses and cars who seem to not know that the lines on the street serve
a purpose. I took a spill trying to navigate a path only I could see.  After
righting my bike and inspecting my fresh and bleeding scrape to my back and
elbow (it's so hard to ride with a shirt on)I noticed an old man set back
into the trees who seemed as if he had watched the whole thing
by the smile on his face.
The trip was not without other spills.  George droped his bike on a tough
ride up a mountain of large rocks and loose gravel.  He really just placed his
bike down, but after talking about it, as it was unavoidable, we deiced he
had "spilled." Bark took the toughest spill.  After a dramatic fish tail riding
through road construction he dropped the bike on his leg and rolled on the
ground. Bark hopped up quick and moved his bike to the side.  With a quick
inspection I knew we wouldn't be riding without some fixing.  I had seen a
garage up a bit so we rolled in there for some repair. As Chinese do, when
we walked up they all gasped.  White folk get that reaction everywhere you
go.  I realized the problem with Bark's forks as a problem that I had had
nearly 20 years ago. 20 years ago my friend Ed taught me the simple solution
which I applied now.  We all rode away.
That night during a late night expedition into what seemed to be a
construction site we stumbled upon some real fun riding.  Weaving in and out
of giant dump trucks. Front loaders back lit by super bright lights and the dust
they were creating adding to my awe.  We headed away found some train
tracks decided to scout it out. Riding up on some sort of workers housing,
I think, we decided to head back.  Bark's leg was becoming an issue. We came
up to the entrance that we had avoided to get into the site on the way out.
The guard looked over at me and started walking up to me as I rode up to him
trying to decide what my chance of getting away was if I whipped
around and headed back into the site.  Would I find another escape route?
Would they put up a chase? With the light behind me I could see he had a
stern look on his face.  When the light of his guard house broke the brim of
my helmet he smiled. I was just white enough to get away with this.
He patted me on the back and off back to the hotel I rode.  Everyday is
white boy day in China. We woke up the next morning a realized Bark
wouldn't be able to come finish the trip. Three days in.  Damn.  He has the
coolest whip and stick. George and I ran around town solving the problem.
The solution came by hiring a truck for 1000rmb that would drive Bark and the
bike home. George, Scott and myself saddled up and rode on. We traveled to
and through Jinan,Yi Yaun, Ye Shui, Ruzhou, Junan, Yenan and a few others
that we never got the names of. We stayed mostly in the province of Shandong
except one day toward the end of the trip after inspecting the map realized we
were in the province of Jiangso.
So cool. So cool.